It is simple.
I know that is fixin' to be the end of winter when my tormentor returns. He has been my nemesis for about 5 years now, gleefully torturing me throughout spring and summer. He looks innocent enough. But as they say, looks are deceiving. They is right. As usual.
I am talking bout a relentless woodpecker that somehow has the intellect to figure out where I am sitting inside my house and the determination to peck like hell right outside of said spot. ALLLLLL. Dayyyyyy. Longgggg.
Today he has decided to attack the west side of my house within 10 feet of my head. If I were to go down to my office, he would surely move to the east side to be as close as possible.
When I go outside, I can't ever get a picture of him. He flies off too fast. He is part Woody the Woodpecker, part Speedy Gonzalez and part Mutley. Y'all remember Woody and Speedy of course. But do you remember Mutley?
That dog was just mean.
I always say that my life is a cartoon. So I guess it is to be expected really.
Get a load of this.
Take a look at the damage the little mo-fo has done at the top there.
The tiny terrorist cannot be bigger than three inches. This chunk of wood that he has removed is bigger than his whole bird body.
He resides in the tree on the left. How convenient.
He does not look very much like this:
I would describe him more as this:
Do you remember how Woody would drive his victims insane?
Do you remember how Speedy would torture the cat?
Do you remember how Mutley would laugh while inflicting pain?
Yesterday, I swallowed two ibuprofen and took to my bed mid-day with a lavender sachet eye pillow thing to relieve my stress. It is exhausting being tortured by your childhood cartoon friends.
Where is Penelope Pitstop when I need her?
