The Art of War, Judge Judy and Why I need a Bologna Sandwich

If you follow me on Twitter, Whats that? You dont follow me? Um--get your butt  to the side of my blog and follow me pronto. Anyway, I tweeted that 27% of Americans think Judge Judy would make a good Supreme Court Justice. This hard-hitting bit of news I read on Fox News online.  Let me preface the Fox News part. (ugghh. Why is it that most of what I do and say in life needs to be "prefaced?") Anyway I was reading either Sun Tzu's "Art of War" or Perez Hilton (one of the two) and I saw something along the lines that you should know what your enemy  is up to. See, this is where I get confused because I could have been reading  about actual war strategy or it could have been something about Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson's twitter battles. Anway, my mom is always throwing out this ridiculous crap that I know could only have come from Fox News. Like when she told me that if the health care reform passed she could lose her citizenship to a Nicaraguan. Yes, she was born in the US and so was her great grandma x 15. You can read more about the problems my heritage caused me when I filled out the census here.  I usually need to know what the context of her (mis)infomation is or was so we can have some sort of meaningful conversation.  So that is a partial explanation of why I read Fox News. The other part is that it has a Weekly World News feel to it.  Terrifying if you don't have a functioning brain. You know how you stand in line at the grocery store reading WWN and laughing to yourself and asking:  I wonder what kind of idiot would believe this nonsense?

Back to Judge Judy.

She puts the "ass" in crass and I like it. Recently throned Sonia Sodapop-whatshername is Latina so I am sure that she is sassy, but I dont think she is really crass-y sassy like Ms. Judy. Can you just imagine the looks on the uptight ivy league lawyers who argue before the Court (it is ok I can make fun of Latina women and attorneys since I am both) when she yells out her catchphrase:

"BALOGNA!!!!"

Other great quotes by J.J.(these are way funnier if you imagine that they are said during Supreme Court oral arguments by the way):

"I you live to be 100, you will never be as smart as me."
"I am here because I am smart, not because I am young and gorgeous. Which I am."
"You spent $72 getting your hair done? You wasted your money."
"I'm the boss applesauce."
"Sir, don't pee on my leg and tell me it is raining."
"This is not Let's Make a Deal and I am not Monty Hall."
"What school of double-talk did you go to?"
"That's why they don't let people drink until they're 21 years old, because even 21-year-olds are morons. 20-year-olds and 19-year-olds are double-morons. They shouldn't even be allowed out of the house after nine o'clock at night."
"Do you know when a gift becomes a loan? When the relationship is over. Have you ever heard that, sir? Well, neither have I. I just made it up. I'm going to put it on coffee mugs."

Plaintiff: He signed me a promissory note...
Judge Judy: I don't care if he signed you the Declaration of Independence!


You get the point. Love me some Judge Judy. Oh and she is way more qualified to sit on the big old bench than Sarah Palin is to sit in the big old house.

By the way, this is not the first time that bologna has come up in my blog. Go here  if you want to read more about bologna and actual words from my mother. Great, now I am hungry.

Now go follow me on Twitter. I am the boss applesauce!