I’m going to be honest and say that when I stayed at my friend’s house the last couple of days I didn’t exercise as much self-control as I could have. I made a lot of bad choices with the excuse of not being at home and not being in control. I had A LOT of sodium, carbs, and a whole lot of fat(I finally had some pizza which is the only thing I literally refuse to eat because I know I’ll pig out…and I pigged out). It wasn’t pretty. My weight went back up by about 4 pounds as expected but like the last time this happened it’ll go back down pretty quickly and I’ll be right back on track in a couple of days(though I really would like to have continued without any setbacks…hopefully I’ll get through the summer without any more). I obviously haven’t learned my lesson with this, though, and I really need to. I won’t always be able to work out two hours a day and I can’t go my entire life without eating out or indulging so I need how to do it healthily. I can’t just let everything go to shit because it’s too hard to say no.
Anyway, I stayed with my cousin last night because I was babysitting her so when I got home I had a KIND protein bar and worked out for an hour on the elliptical. I had some high fiber oatmeal with a glass of soy milk after. I had a cup of coffee as I made dinner which was a couple of bites of turkey breast, sauteed portabello mushrooms with worchestershire sauce, and salad with balsamic vinegar, red peppers, tomato, and feta cheese. A little bit of pineapple was dessert. I worked out for another hour after that.
Would a hedonist diet?
I’ve been shit slack this week. Well let’s be honest here, for the last two weeks.
Carborama.
Gah. Blah. Oh, oops, that ones copywrited.
I’ve had bread, pasta, pizza (gasp). And the evil of all evils, Coke. A cola.
Boo me. I did go for a run Monday, but I doubt that counts now.
Crap. Why’s it so hard? I’ll attempt to stay away from the Duramine next week but I’m making no promises.
Here’s to another weekend. Cheers big ears.
Jx
Hey there, rib cage. It’s been a while. Now, that you came back I will do anything to keep you.
I haven’t done my workout yet :x
There’s still time! If I don’t get it in today, I’ll just count today as my rest day for the week… I’m so sore already. Getting in and out of the car today was painful lol
I walked around in the mall for hours shopping though… and didn’t buy anything, what a let down!
Went to dinner at Houlian’s with my sister and didn’t partake in the free disco fries… I only ate a max of 350 calories total so I’m still on track for the day as well, proving it’s entirely possible to make smart choices when eating at restaurants.
Real Girl Thinspo. My favorite kind.
This was something i did in OT(occupational therapy) today… i think it actually shows why Ed is so hard to combat…
it is a dialogue between me and my eating disorder:
Alyssa: I want recovery to live my life
Ed: No, you NEED me to survive
A: I need to change my lifestyle
E: You shouldn’t change anything because you’ll just fuck it all up
A: I want to be healthy and happy
E: I can give you that, if only you’d try harder you fat cow
A: I want to not hate my life
E: You should hate your life because you have fucked it up completely
A: I want a successful career
E: I’ll give you that by pushing you to accept nothing less than perfection. No perfection=FAILURE
A: I want a life filled with love and joy
E: You don’t deserve that
A: I am going to change to better myself
E: I will make your life a living hell if you disobey me
A: I want to be content with my life
E: You can be content when you are perfect
A: I want to have fun
E: You don’t deserve that. Everybody thinks you’re fat anyways, the only reason they hang out with you is so that you make them look better by being the fat friend
A: I want to be Ed free
E: You will never be good enough without me, you’re a loser and a failure without me; you will blow up like a balloon and become the fattest and most hated person on earth without me.
Seems irrational right?
But it goes through my head every minute of every day…
And after awhile…
Ed becomes truth…
if you ever wondered what i’m fighting
that’s part of it
So why do I still look exactly the same when I look in the mirror?:( I feel so fat, gross and just plain fucking ugly. Why can’t I see any of this weight come off? I’m a uk size 6/8, but I still LOOK at least a 12/14. Wtf? My mum wants me to go to the doctor, because she’s worried about the way I see myself. But why can’t she see it? I bet she does, really… So why won’t she admit that my stomach is still disgusting? That my thighs are still huge? That everything still jiggles when I move!? Tomorrow I’m going to drink loooads of water and eat ONLY fruit, and hopefully the next day, too. Actually I might try to do that until monday, I think. I’m so sick of catching my reflection and cringing away from it, will this shit ever stop?:/
MEAL PLAN FOR THE WEEK
Breakfast - banana, green tea
Snack (in school) - gumgumgum :)
Lunch - Weight Watchers soup/ravioli, strawberries/grapes/raspberries for dessert
Snack (before working out) - fruits, like an apple
Dinner (after working out) - canned tuna with corn/3 fiber crispbreads with low-fat, low-cal cheese or salami
Snack (late-night, in case) - fruits!
WORKOUT PLAN - MONDAY, TUESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY
*8-Minute Ab and Arm Workouts, once in the morning and once in the afternoon/evening
*1 hour total of walking/jogging on the treadmill
*30 minutes on the stationary bike
*2 rounds of strength training
-> Wednesday is my day-off from the gym! But I will still do the 8-Minute Ab and Arm Workouts twice, once in the morning and once in the evening.
-> On Saturday next week (June 25), I will take a picture wearing the exact outfit I wore in today’s picture and compare. What the scale says isn’t important.
Cait, you have to realize that you cannot afford any more unhealthy eating! I know the only reason you ate unhealthily tonight was because you had no more fruits to snack on, because your lazy butt just slept this afternoon instead of hit the grocery store. It’s your own fault, but tomorrow will be better. You’re going to stick to your plan, grocery shop for fruits and Weight Watchers soup as well. You are going to work out and love it. You will not even THINK about eating anything that is not what you planned. You are slowly getting back on track, and in a strange way, I’m actually proud of you.