Lowbrow TV Showdown

I was only able to watch the first half hour of Sister Wives last night. It was a little more sad/pathetic than the premiere. Did anyone else watch it? Did anyone else wonder why the 1st sister-wife was trying to move the pregnant (and completely wacko) sister-wife's armoire by herself while the sister-wife the size of Hulk Hogan was just chatting to the camera crew?

 
Did you also wonder why the hell in this day and age she needed that honking armoire in her bedroom anyway? Couldn't Kody have negotiated a flat screen TV for each of his hos when he was making a deal with TLC? He shoulda came to me for legal advice and I woulda hooked a brotha and a sista, sista, & sista up! BTW,  I get all my good contract rider ideas by reading exposed celebrity contracts on thesmokinggun.com. I would have totally plagiarized some Jennifer Lopez diva crap right in that agreement! In fact, I think I have found my true calling.  Legal Rider Writer extraordinaire. Seriously, if you know of any openings, shoot me an e-mail.

Speaking of sad/pathetic, the reason I could not watch the second hour of Sister Wives was because Matt had one hundred percent decided that we were watching Eastbound and Down on HBO at 8:30 and due to the economy sucking we gave up our beloved DVR last year.  I could have went upstairs to our bedroom to watch TLC but we do not have a remote for that TV (I know right?) and there was no way I was going to deal with that scenario and besides Eastbound and Down cracks me up. For those of you who have not seen this show, it is well???? Weird, hysterical, sad, touching,offensive, pathetic, raunchy and definitely R rated.

Here is the best of Kenny Power's, the disgraced and down on his luck ex-baseball star and main character.





This year, he is down in Mexico which is not as funny as last season (in my opinion), but this line cracked me up.


"Christ I didn't know that living in the barrio would be so fucking loud."

My dad has lived in Cozumel for the last 15 years. Matt and I have figured out that even though we can stay at my dad's perfectly comfortable house, his neighbors invariably have a rooster or two or three or a  non-stop barking chihuahua or an unhappy goat or there might be a 16 piece band that plays all night on a trailer in front of his house or the propane sales truck, with its catchy jingle over a loudspeaker, may start making rounds at 6 am or, god forbid, it may be election time and the mayoral campaigning is in full swing or, etc.,  etc., etc.!!!

ARRRRGGGHHHH! I guess he is used to it, but we are frazzled after dealing with that for a week! So now we will only stay at a hotel on the beach away from the never ending noise. Not that we aren't culturally sensitive and not that we don't want to hang with the locals, but why the hell does it have to be so damned loud ALL THE TIME.

Polygamy looks fun

 I just watched that TLC Sister Wives infomercial show, and I am sold. Sign me up. You truly can have it all--- if you have a couple of sister wives to help you take care of business.

Seriously, TLC has put together a pretty rosy picture of polygamy. There was not a prairie dress or child bride to be found.

The only thing I did not really care for was the douchy husband, Cody.

I think he is as smug and slimy as Bill Henrickson.

But Matt is so level-headed and sweet, I think we could make a go of it without him getting all big-headed or growing boy band hair.

So assuming Matt is game, I have picked out my sister wives:

1-- Lorelai Glimore.

I think we could have fun drinking over-sized mugs of coffee and making obscure pop-culture references while folding laundry. I hope she is still friends with Sookie (though I think that Sookie may have her very own show now-- so she may not have time to hang out with us).

2-- Kristin Wiig. She is just so damn funny and since we probably won't be able to afford to go out, we will need her around for some entertainment.

I promise I will only make her do that Lawrence Welk singing-sister act once a day. They did not really touch on it in the TLC show, but according to Big Love, the first wife is the Boss!

3-- and since we are going to be having a lot of fun, talking smack and laughing, we will probably need someone that can cook.

I thought about Paula Dean, but I don't think Matt would go for that.


I thought about Giada.

But then I got worried that she might be too sexy and stir up jealousy issues with me and Lorelai and Kristin. Besides, she strikes me as a Nicky-style trouble maker and honestly, who has time for that?

And Rachel Ray is out of the question for obvious reasons.
(That being that I want to punch her in the face every time that she opens her damn trap).

I just realized that celebrity chefs are all super annoying.

I am out of ideas. Any suggestions??? 

In all seriousness, if given the choice between the polygamist (Browns) and the quiverfull  (Duggars), I would go with the polygamists.

The Duggars scare the crap out of me.